A Refuge for Hurting Women

Mother's Day is both a time of celebration and a time of grief in my heart.  It's a day I so cherish and value as it reminds me of the gifts I've been given in my Mom, mother-in-law, grandmothers, spiritual mother (Pamela), and other women who have been a help to me.   It's also a day when I am especially thankful to be able to call myself a mom to the most beautiful little blessing I know, Felicity.  However, it's also a day that quickly reminds me that of my two children, one is not here with us. 

Butterfly outside our house after Joni's Memorial Service

This morning, I was reminded that one week from today will be the one year anniversary of the Memorial Service I had for my daughter, Joni.  I remembered the deep pain I felt last year on Mother's Day as my body still felt as if a part of it was missing.  I thought about the women I've met since losing Joni who have lost children, whose stories are almost unbearable to hear.  The women who lost their children just weeks before their due dates, the women who lost babies before they had the chance to share the good news with others, the women who lost babies just hours after delivering them, the women who have tried for years to conceive only to see a negative pregnancy test each month, the women whose adoptions have fallen through after finally finding a "match". 

Flowers given to me after losing Joni that are now hanging in my house

To say that I've developed a heart for such women would be an understatement.  I am one of those women, and I love and care for those women deeply.  Many months ago, I began to desire to reach out to those women.  I knew I couldn't fix their problems, I knew I couldn't change their situations.  But I also knew that I had come to value not being alone when grieving the loss of a child.  I knew that loss of a child and infertility are incredibly isolating, and something that it seems few people understand.  I knew that talking about the death of a child is unfortunately socially awkward, and can cause others to keep their distance.  So this desire to help those women started taking shape in the form of a support group for women, a refuge if you will.

So, once a month, I show up to facilitate Refuge for women.  We eat dessert, drink tea, and just talk.  Just get it out.  Share all those unpleasant, painful feelings that are hard to share with others who haven't been there.  Just share where we are in our grief, what we've encountered lately that's been hard or encouraging for us.

We just share.

Nothing formal, nothing fancy.  Just hurting women getting together in a casual setting to share our burdens and remind ourselves that we're not alone.  You don't have to commit, you don't have to come on time or stay for the whole meeting.  You don't have to say a word.  We meet at a church, but you are welcome no matter what your beliefs.  Come once, or come monthly for the next several years.  It's just there for those who need it.

So, if you or someone you know is one of those hurting women, know that you/they are not alone.  Your situation is unique, and no one will be able to fully understand you, but know that you are cared for, prayed for, and welcome to come to Refuge when you're ready.

 

Refuge Support Group for Women

2nd Monday of each month

7:30-9:00 p.m.

Christchurch Presbyterian Education Building

60 Peachtree Park Drive

Atlanta, GA 30309

Questions? E-mail me at kirbylynncleland@gmail.com