An Imperfect Nest

I had an epiphany on Monday night: I am building quite the imperfect nest for little Felicity Mae, and that is a great thing. Let me explain:

Just as all moms-to-be do, I have had a strong desire to get all things perfectly in order for Felicity's arrival. The list of things to do went on and on in my head; there was never time for rest. From packing my hospital bag to typing instructions for Sully's care while I am in the hospital, washing the layette, writing thank you cards, buying the remaining necessities we'll need in her first few days, going to breastfeeding class, reorganizing that dresser in her closet so we'll have room for her clothes, creating my birthing plan...the list truely goes on for several pages. All the while I was still struggling to keep up with my usual responsibilities like laundry and ironing and grocery shopping and cleaning the floors and cooking nutritious meals and exercising and washing dishes and Bible study and maintaining relationships and so on and so forth. Rest was definitely hard to come by and I constantly felt the need to push myself so that all things would be just as I imagined they should. (Once again I want to take time to commend women who prepare for a child while working full time; I admire and respect you greatly!)

After I got minimal sleep on Sunday night and then pushed myself to make some check marks on that long list on Monday, Daniel came home Monday afternoon to a slightly neurotic, control-freakish sort of wife. Tension between us soon appeared and quickly increased as the night wore on and the honey-do list grew, and eventually we both got in bed feeling exhausted, frustrated, and like something had to change. Crazy, perfection-seeking Kirby was wearing both of us out. So, after many minutes of discussion, I had an epiphany for which I thank God(!): Felicity would be okay if that dresser full of linens was still in her closet when she was born. She would fare just fine and never know the difference if the apartment were an absolute disaster the first time she set eyes on it. Life will continue after she is born; I don't have to get everything done before she arrives. I also remembered 2 things that I've been saying but not living all throughout my pregnancy: 1) I don't know how many days I will have with Felicity, only God knows that. However, I don't want for either of us to look back on our time together and remember my anxiety and perfectionistic tendencies and how they took us from enjoying precious time together. I want to know that my time spent with her was filled with showing her love and being grateful for the gift that she is, even if that means we have some dirty dishes in the sink at the end of the day. 2) Daniel and I will never be completely ready for Felicity. There will always be something left undone, something incomplete. Pregnancy has been a blessing, and I want to know that I spent my pregnancy cherishing time with my sweet mate while preparing for our little one as best as we can.

Now, don't get me wrong: I have not thrown in the towel and stopped preparing for her altogether, despite how the below pictures appear! However, I have been reminded that I am imperfect and so is the work that I do. I am only human and I am limited in what I can accomplish. As my parents told me probably almost as often as they told me they loved me (which was quite frequently!), the best I can do is all that I can do. Our little apartment nest we've created will never be perfect or appear to be perfect. While I do love to serve my husband and guests by welcoming them into a warm, cozy environment and I intend to continue doing so once I'm a mother, I will also have to say "no" at times to the pile of laundry or unclean floor waiting to be dealt with. I do hope that despite the messiness, disorganization, and faulty parents that Felicity will be greeted by, she will know love, gratitude, and time spent enjoying the life she's been given. So, little Felicity, welcome to our imperfect nest in which we hope to love you well (:

My not-quite-completely-packed hospital bag. Sully's constant digging in it is partially to blame.

Felicity's messy changing table. Take note of the beautiful diaper cake my sister made for me!
The aforementioned dresser in Felicity's closet, complete with printer on top:

Felicity's beautiful crib, lacking a mattress pad and mobile. You'll be glad to know that I washed and dried the mattress pads while blogging and that the mobile is in the mail (:

And just because he's super cute, here's a picture of Sully with Felicity's book collection: